


bad dreams, silly smiles, string of words in his mind

by TheGodWith5Yen



Category: Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics)
Genre: College, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Jason Todd is Getting His Life a Little Bit Together Because He Can, Secret Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-05 04:15:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16803439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGodWith5Yen/pseuds/TheGodWith5Yen
Summary: A small insight in a day of Jason's life- a mix of bad dreams, going to college because he fucking can, and having that swooping feeling in his stomach whenever Kyle Rayner shows up.





	bad dreams, silly smiles, string of words in his mind

**Author's Note:**

> I had this titled as 'I should be working on other stuff' like my finals or my multichaptered fic, but this was screaming at me to write so! Hope you all enjoy, it was nice and calming to write.

A scream ripped through his soul calling out, hoping to the stars above someone would hear him, someone would catch  _ him _ , someone would save him. It was naive, childish, to think that anyone even so much as cared, but dammit, dammit he needed it, he needed it, he wanted it so badly it hurt his whole soul raw. 

Tears, cold and wracking, streamed down his face. Whimpers came from behind him, but he didn’t want to turn and meet her gaze. He was pissed at her- for being a piece of trash, for doing something his father had never been able to do, for being-

Jason growled and groaned and cried, unable to do much else but that, unable to pull up his usual self, his strength. He was only a child. Despite it all, against everything the world was pushing down on him, he was still only a child.

Sweat caused his hair to cling to his forehead, his breaths came out quick and shallow. It took him a few minutes to calm down the excessive beating of his heart and the rush that flowed through his ears, the phantom senses- the pains, the aches, the scars that were only a phantom of the wounds they once were- dying down as he settled himself back into reality. 

He wasn’t back there. That was so long ago. He was alive. He was breathing and alive and had something closer to a real life than anything else he had ever had. He breathed and breathed, until his whole body untensed itself and his mind drifted off to sleep.

Despite his better judgement, Jason had signed himself up for a class at eight in the morning at Gotham Community College. His insomnia kept him from ever being late, always getting him up around three in the morning, which then sprang into restless energy that he put into either school work or out as the Red Hood. 

Jason was the first person in the classroom, as always, half an hour before the class was to start. His fingers dragged against the wall as he reached to flick on the lights of the classroom, ugly yellow light flooding the room as he did so. He sat in his usual seat- a perfect middle, at the end so he could easily get up and walk out if he needed to. It wasn’t often, but once in a great while his chest would pick up speed and everything around him turned into a distant, odd film that made him feel as though he was fake (they were panic attacks, he knew it was, but he didn’t really like acknowledging it). 

So, Jason sat and idly wrote in his notebook, mashing together the stream of words for that upcoming essay they were supposed to be peer reviewing. It had taken him a while to pick up what he wanted to say, but once he had found the words, the viewpoint, the moments, it was easy enough to find the words to go with the prompt. He fiddled with one of his earrings as he read over what he read, twisting the little cross over and over, his fingertips feeling over the indents and little jewels embedded in it.

As time passed, people littered into the classroom, talking mildly about life and how late they stayed up to get some last minute writing in for their essay. Most of the people taking this class were kids straight out of high school or people around Jason’s age or older who were finally grasping at what they wished for in life. The woman who sat next to him- a twenty-seven year old single mother who worked nights over at Wayne Industries Security- plopped down into her seat, handing him a warm blueberry muffin with a smile on her face. 

“Awww, c’mon Bean, I told you not to coddle me.” He said through a smile that betrayed how pleased it made him. Bean had taken a little bit of a shining to him after a particular heartwarming discussion they had and, after learning that he often forgot to eat breakfast, she had began bringing him something small. 

Bean shook her head, “No way no how kid. Plus, I’m trying to lose a few pounds and I normally only eat two, so help a gal out won’t you?” 

Jason bit into the muffin. “If you insist.”

He was halfway through the muffin when class began and they spent a few minutes talking about their essay prompt before switching papers with a partner. The prompt was to write about home, to describe it and the memories attached to it. They were to make sure that the papers flowed nicely and kept to the prompt. Jason was engrossed with Bean’s essay- she wrote about how she considered her workplace a home, how the front door was a sort of lifeline she had never quite realize saved her life until one day it clicked, a recalling of a conversation that had helped pick Bean up from her depression. 

“This is a fucking masterpiece, you know that right?” Bean mumbled into her hand as her eyes skimmed over his notebook. “How do you put so much emotion in a essay? I talk about some heavy shit and it doesn’t even express as well, damn Jay.”

He shrugged his shoulders and gave her a tight smile. “I was a well read kid. Especially after I got adopted. Kind of stuck, you know?” Jason wrote some notes on the margin of Bean’s paper before sliding it over towards her. “Yours was good, just a few grammar shit to work on.” He leaned towards her, pointing out some small mistakes or ways to make a sentence not look so convoluted. 

Jason was typing up his essay when a knock sounded at his apartment’s door. He stretched his back until a satisfying pop sounded as he strolled over to the door, wondering if it was Kory, who was notorious for forgetting to send a text beforehand. When he peeked out the peephole, a wide grin enveloped his face when he saw the figure, clad in ripped jeans and a sweatshirt that most definitely had paint on its front. 

Kyle’s grin was as large as his when he opened the door. Without much thought, Jason pulled him in for a quick hug. “Man, what are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be orbiting around somewhere?” 

“Eh, nah,” Kyle gave a little shrug of his shoulders, his lips curled in a small smile. Jason could see him thoughtlessly chewing on the inside of his mouth. “Got a little respite, you know? I’ve been working a little relentlessly lately and thought it was time to get back home for a bit. How have you been Jay?” He stepped inside, tentatively glancing around before sitting on the couch, his fingers tracing the flower print of the fabric. 

Jason sat next to him. “Good. Real good. Started taking some classes at Gotham Community, been writing that novel that’s been picking at my mind for a while now. Sometimes I meet up with Stephanie since we got a class together- history- and we study together. Everything’s been good.” His fingers itched to place themselves atop of Kyle’s, instead he kept them gripped tight in his lap. 

A lock of brown hair- despite how Kyle’s hair looked from far away, it was actually a deep, dark brown- fell out of place as Kyle picked up his head and absolutely lit up. “Jason! Dude that’s hella awesome wow! College! What are you going for?” His right hand squeezed Jason’s shoulder in excitement. 

“I’m thinking a high school english teacher. Something along those lines really. Maybe get what I need to teach at the college level, that seems fun.” He tilted his head to the side and waved his hand in a so-so gesture. 

“That’s really great Jason.” Kyle’s smile made the corner of his eyes wrinkle, a wrinkle covered the little mole that he had near his left eye. It was ridiculously cute, it made a small tingling rush warm up his chest. It was so entirely mushy and unlike him, but Jason couldn’t help the mess his whole insides became whenever Kyle showed his face and made cute faces like that. “I’m, like, so proud of you Jason, really.” 

That made him grin and scratch at his chin as his nerves piled up. “Soooo, Kyle. How’s space been? Anything interesting happen?” He watched with interest as Kyle launched into a story, his body turned towards him and his hands gesturing widely as he spoke. Jason was utterly, painstakingly enthralled by it all- his hands, his eyes, his little mole, his attention whenever he looked over at Jason, a little huff mixed with laughter in his voice. 

They ate dinner in a nearby diner, one of the niche ones that had the employees dress up as heroes. Today Jason could see a Supergirl, Superman, and a Superboy- they must roll with a theme and collaborate once in a while. It was of the places a lot of others in their community liked to go to for shits and giggles; the speedsters had an ongoing gag where they would pick up some food from one of these places around the country and take a selfie with one of the employees on their way out. 

“You think you’ll ever quit?” Kyle mumbled as he glanced around the diner, at the framed newspapers headlining the Justice League, famous after battle photos of Diana and Supes and Captain Marvel and the Bat himself, little trinkets and stuffed dolls lining the shelves on the walls. 

Jason propped up his arm on the table and placed his chin on his hand. Wasn’t that the fucking question? If he was completely honest, the thought would pop into his mind, a small little bubble that would break when he least expected it to. He bit his lip. “No. Not really. It’s so fucking ingrained by now, everything, I don’t think I can ever put that helmet up. What about you? Isn’t your thing lifelong, till death do you part?” 

Kyle rolled his eyes and let out a small laugh. “Yeah, yeah, till death. It’s… I never thought this would be my calling, but, hey, I got nothing else going for me.” 

The waitress dressed as Supergirl came bounding over, placing down Jason’s water and Kyle’s large strawberry milkshake with sparkling pink, blue, and purple sprinkles throughout it (it was called the Misfit Shake, one of Barbara’s little birds that was gaining in popularity lately, though Jason had never met the girl) in front of them. They placed their orders at she was off again, her red cape flowing behind her as she walked across the restaurant. 

“You have your art.” Jason said as he watched a little girl dressed up in what looked like a homemade batgirl dress excitedly entered the diner, signing with fast motions up to what might have been her grandparents. It made Jason smile and melt just a little bit. That little girl, right there, that’s what he fought so hard for, what he often lost sight of if he went in too deep into the pit of anger and despair and vengeance.

“Yeah…” Kyle trailed off. Jason took his eye off the family and back onto his friend, making eye contact with him. He gave him a small smile before leaning over and taking a sip of his Misfit Shake. “Oh, you dick. Buy your own next time.” Despite his words, he let Jason steal a few more sips. 

“Uhh and ruin my reputation as a tough guy? Yeah, no thanks Rayner, I have more dignity than you on that front.” He shot him a wicked smile and might have laughed a bit too loudly when Kyle’s face scrunched up and he kicked at his leg under the table. But, he didn’t really care, because it was nice, just plain fucking nice. It was a moment that Jason never quite got growing up and he relished in them now. It was nothing, mundane and childishly fun, but somehow it was everything, an instant that would live with him forever, along with others such as it that was slowly growing to fill the giant void of the decidedly unfavorable. 

  
As he settled in for the night, knowing full well that he would wake up in a few hours and repeat what he always did (go out as the Red Hood, get changed for school, rinse and repeat and live and be), Jason felt a warmth in a chest and a string of words waiting to be written, delicate and amusing that would most definitely be shattered if he slept on them. Hurriedly, he wrote what was on his mind on one of the small bright pink notecards he kept in his nightstand, right next to a gun  _ and _ a knife, before his finally had nothing left to do or say for the day. Jason laid his head down, comfortably thinking about Kyle’s grin and the green paint that had been splattered over his sweatshirt.

**Author's Note:**

> I never put it in, but Jason's essay was about the kitchen in Wayne Manor. Also, I guess I really love Bean bc I have too much about her backstory in my head then I should for her only being here for one quick scene lol 
> 
> well!! hope you guys liked it! Leave a comment, kudos, all that nice stuff <3


End file.
